17 February 2009

Not Even Safe In My Own Building

So today I had to do a load of wash. I went down to the basement and threw my stuff in the washer and started it up. I turned around to go back upstairs when I noticed a neighbor's clothes hanging on the line drying. In particular, I noticed a conspicuous green sweater that was hanging inside out.

Now, this was not any green sweater. This sweater looked strikingly similar to a green sweater that I own. I went up to it to investigate further. Sure enough, Old Navy, size medium.

Now, I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the clothes from Old Navy, The Gap and the like, but many of the shirts/sweaters/tops from these stores have a RFID tag sewn into the seams.

While I understand the purpose of these tags, I am often annoyed by them, because there is no "good" way to cut them out so that they don't itch one's skin incessantly. Which brings me to my next point: I recalled that when I purchased this green sweater, I tried desperately to manicure the tag in such a way that it would not provide a constant annoyance when wearing the shirt. (I failed.) At any rate, this attempted tag-carving left a very distinctive tag remnant still sewn into the seam.

Well, I think you can see where I'm going with this. Of course, it was the tag-chop-job that I had recalled. I also at that moment went through my entire wardrobe. I usually have a pretty good idea of what is in the wash and what is in its proper place in the drawer/on the shelf/on the hanger. At this moment, I recalled that the green sweater in question should be in the 4th drawer in my dresser. I left the sweater on the line and went upstairs and searched through the 4th drawer of my dresser. No green sweater. I also looked in the 3rd drawer, 5th drawer, 2nd drawer and 1st drawer. No green sweater. I checked the shelves. No green sweater. I checked the hangers in my closet (even though I NEVER hang sweaters). No green sweater. I checked in all of my suitcases, all of my backpacks and any other place in my apartment that a green sweater may dwell. And of course, no green sweater.

So now, dear friends, I am at a crossroad. Do I steal the green sweater back? I was 98% certain that it was mine. At the same time, I'm quite creeped out. My neighbors are now apparently going through my wash? EWWWW!!! In about 4 seconds, I have accepted the fact that I will never be able to do wash in the basement again, and will instead have to drag everything to a laundromat where I can keep an eye on my stuff (because you and I both know that I'm not going to sit in my basement for hours while my clothes are being cleaned). I then begin to think about collecting quarters to use the laundromat, and which one would be the best based on time of day and season, and then think of all the pre-treating and sorting that would have to be done at my apartment, and so on...

So, I took the sweater. It was actaully quite easy for me to rationalize. My $300 bike was stolen from the basement about 1.5 years ago. It was CHAINED TO A STEEL POLE. It had to take quite a bit of effort to remove the lock from my glorious (also green) Trek and remove it from the basement. So I figure that anything in the basement, locked or otherwise, is fair game. Apparently everyone else thinks so.

But of course, now I need to go rescue my grill-out gear from my storage locker before someone steals THAT too. I don't care if they take the fake xmas tree or the (also green) sofa that I found on the side of the road after move-out 4 years ago. But the grill... that's what's important.


  1. That's pretty damn effed up. I would leave a passive-aggressive note. Or a picture of you wearing the sweater that says 'BRING IT ON' on the back.

  2. I think I'm going to bring it up with my building manager so HE can leave a passive-aggressive note. That way I don't look so bad!

  3. Green is just too popular. I'm going to start wearing only the most disgusting browns and yellows so no one would even consider stealing my shit.

    - Yellow Pinto, check

    and so on...

  4. Careful Beets. Remember what Michelle O. wore on Inauguration day? It was yellow, and I'd totally steal it...