29 March 2009

Zombie Target

To put an end to an already excessive weekend, JB and I stopped by the Target on Miller Park Way in hopes of acquiring a pair of galoshes (for me, not for him). Mainly because they're so fun to say, and also they will be great for walking to work in the spring/summer rain.

We parked and were confronted by a security guard on a three-wheeled Segway-esque thinger with flashy lights. He told us that the store had lost power so they were closed.

So, to continue with the weekend-long theme of bad decision making, we stopped by the Chili's that was nearby and were seated with a waitress named Rozy who had a squirrel nest atop her head, and so much makeup on her face it could probably be scraped off with a spatula.

After going over 3 different menus (one 'regular' menu and two 'special' menus), and noting that everything was 'fried to perfection,' JB ordered a crispy-chicken-glazed-crisper thing and I got these buffalo chicken burger bite things. (I just pointed at the picture when I ordered.) After 4 or 5 soda refills and a serious discussion about dessert, we left. When we were in the parking lot, we noticed that folks were once again entering and leaving Target, so we ventured back....

The three-wheeled cop was now standing at the door with his Segway thinger parked nearby (flashing lights still on) and told patrons that all of the power was on except for the lights. Associates were posted every 20 feet or so with flashlights, and if you wanted to venture down and aisle, they escorted you and were actually quite helpful and pleasant. I located some galoshes (that are pink and plaid) and then wandered down to camping supplies (because, after all, spring is in the air). After attempting to look at the little mini tents, we decided it wasn't working well and started to head out.



So we ran back to camping supplies! And saw a lovely pink camouflage sleeping bag. (Can it really be called camouflage if it's bright pink???) Anyway, we went through camping supplies and a few other sections and then the lights clicked off again. It was at that point that we were in the very far back corner of the store, where it was the darkest. JB ever-so-kindly pointed out that this would be the perfect setting for a zombie movie, and proceeded to attempt to freak me out every possible chance he got. (I hate zombies.) So I decided it was time to leave.

This was probably the strangest and most surreal Target experience I have ever had (and, honestly, that I ever hope to have). I give them props for triaging the situation and helping customers, but SO much could have gone wrong at that point (looting, pillaging, people finding ways to hurt themselves, people hurting other people, etc...). If you don't have lights in a giant warehouse with no natural light, just take the loss for the day and close your doors. And stock up on anti-zombie apparati (whatever that may be).


  1. Did you buy "Shaun of the Dead" or "28 Days Later" on DVD? Because that would have been AWESOME.

  2. I totally should have. (But I would never have watched them, because I really don't like zombie movies either...)